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Alexander Stephen Wozniak 
October 14 1987 - June 27 2004
(Alex, as part of a Shakespeare production at Kenmore East during his freshman year, 3 Nov 2001)
Journal
Sunday, July 13, 2008 8:00 PM EDT Can it really be four years already?! Just 2 weeks ago, on June 27th, we celebrated Alex's 4th "angel-versary"... and it does not seem possible that it is 4 years already!
The morning of the 27th dawned breezy, warm and generally clear. Some close friends came over and as has been our custom, we each wrote a note to Alex and tied it to the end of a balloon. Because of the breeze I did not even try to take a picture because I knew they would rise quickly and that is exactly what they did, floating in a northeasterly direction. But they still looked like skittles... colorful candies against a light blue sky.
As days go, more and more have been "good", and that day was no exception. I think these last few months both Mark and I have been adjusting more and more to this "new" normal, not liking it, but accepting it. The waves still come, but they are not as intense or as frequent or as long-lasting. But the ache from missing Alex is still there, and I expect it always will be.
It has been an interesting spring / summer in Buffalo, weatherwise. We've had plenty of sunny days, beautiful sunny days that I swear only happen in the northeast! Days where the cotton-white clouds are so fluffy I think I can reach up and touch them. And the blue palette of the sky is so soft and genuine that it cannot be duplicated by any paint color. I love this time of year in Buffalo, even when it rains, and we have had some rain. When I look outside and see the grass turn that amazing shade of green that only comes just before a storm, even that is such a treat. And the sounds of summer, the quiet early morning sounds... the leaves in the trees rustling, the robins singing and the cardinals chirping, and Jack or Colby (the dogs on either side of us) occasionally barking, a lawn mower off in the distance... one of the benefits of being a teacher with summers off is to periodically just listen to morning happen.
Carrie has been gone for 11 days, and is back today! She was at Sarah's cottage and then they were both at a volleyball camp. They had fun, although the dorm rooms were not so comfortable (I believe "prison cell" was their interpretation!), and they are a little sore, but it is certainly nice to have the laughter back!
Mark and I have made more progress in the bathroom... we put in the new sinks / countertops, faucets, medicine cabinets, light fixtures, towel bars, and a fresh coat of paint... not quite in that exact order. At some time during each project we will look at each other and ask why we didn't hire someone to do it, but once we finish, it looks pretty good and we can take credit for that!
Next comes a new floor: ceramic tiles with heating coils underneath by the shower and vanity. We will not be able to work on much for the next few weeks because of other commitments, but come August we will tackle the next part. And with a little luck, by the time school starts, we will have the new toilet in, as well. Keep your fingers crossed!!
Mark has also been working on the deck, using the pressure washer to clear off 7 or 8 years of dirt and weather. We plan to stain some random boards and then cover all of them with clear sealant. The pressure washer has unfortunately become rather uncooperative, so it has been a slower process than planned, but since we're working around the bathroom and the weather, it will get done when it gets done.
The sad part of all these projects is that I know they are parts to the house, and our lives, that Alex is not a part of. He will never be here to use (or clean!) the new sinks or shower, or walk on the refreshed deck. That thought always makes me pause and hope that he is with us to see what is happening and encouraging us to keep going.
I have been going to school a few days a week for several hours, cleaning and organizing. And the best part is I have been riding my bike!! It takes 25 minutes each way, so I get exercise and save gas money.
And so the days go on... projects, sunshine, rain, laughter, waves, exercise, memories....
Later, peace out and may the force be with you.
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Patient Room:
Links: http://www.tomzuba.com/pages/default.asp Tom Zuba's Grief Support Site
http://www.marrow.org/ National Marrow Donor Program
http://alliancefoundation.roswellpark.org/document_663.html Roswell Park Alliance
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