Journal

Tuesday, September 25, 2007 6:10 PM CDT

With A.J.'s permission, here are her thoughts on the third anniversary of her diagnosis.

August 26, 2007 - Sunday

It’s been three years today.

I have been battling with myself thinking if I should post this or not and whether to make it private, but I think I will let you in on what I'm feeling. Today exactly three years ago I was diagnosed with leukemia (type ALL). Now, you may be thinking I am sad about this, and in some ways I am. There are some things about my childhood I cannot regain, and sometimes I do regret this, but I have to tell you, for the most part I am glad. This may sound selfish or haughty but I am glad for the strength I gained. I want to tell you that I have had my share of troubles. A month after I was diagnosed, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two and a half years later I came out of treatment and my mother, my mother... was diagnosed again. This time with ovarian cancer. She is still in treatment. I mean to tell you that I have had my share of troubles. I also mean to tell you that I am not the only one. I don't care who is reading this right now, you have undergone something drastic. A parent passed, a home was burnt to the ground, I don't know, but I do know that something had to have happened. I am more sorry for every soul that has been touched by tragedy than anything I have come to face. This is what this blog is for. To let you know that I am not disheartened. Everyone has had mishaps, serious and not so serious, but they all add up. My problems are not any worse, nor are they any more serious than anything anyone else has had to face. I know that. I am not going to pretend that I am not a special case. I know that I am. I spent two years on and off having no hair. I spent most of my thirteen year old life throwing up. I spent over two months total in the hospital. I know what tragedy is, and I know what life is like, not to be able to go outside. Not to be able to go to school. I know. I don't know who may read this but I want you to know that this is why I love you. I love you because I know that your troubles are just as fierce as mine. I know that you have been hurt because you are human. I want you to know, whoever you are, that someone cares. I care every day for the suffering of people. From cancer to starvation, from the loss of a friend to a home broken by substance abuse. I care about the plight of people. As a whole. I know what pain is, and I know what suffering is. I know what it's like to live for months not knowing whether I was to live or die. I know. I know that you have felt my pain. Perhaps in a different way, but I want you to know that I know.