|
Hanna Michele Gibson
November 20, 2000 - August 9, 2004
We love you and miss you so much!!
Hanna was diagnosed with a brain tumor in January 2002. She was 14 months old. The only sign we had that anything was wrong was her head tilting. Thankfully, her pediatrician, Dr. Narayanan, knew what that meant. She was soon sent for brain surgery to remove the tumor. Surgery was a success, but it wasn’t over. Hanna's tumor was a very malignant one, Anaplastic Astrocytoma. She was to undergo chemotherapy for 18 months followed by 6 weeks of radiation. She handled chemo unbelievably, but after being on it for only 8 months, the tumor was back. This time the tumor was too close to the brain stem. She had another surgery, but some of the tumor had to be left behind. As soon as she recovered, she began 6 weeks of radiation. That was completed January 2003. She did great for that entire year. Her tumor remained stable. However, her MRI in February 2004 showed regrowth. She began a different type of chemo that helped her for a little over 3 months. But sadly, by late June, things had taken a turn for the worse and nothing seemed to help. We filled as much fun as we possible could into Hanna's last few weeks. She had a great time, and we got memories that we will always hold on to. Thank you to everyone who prayed for Hanna and who continues to pray for our family. The love and concern we have been shown through all of this is truly appreciated.
 
ANGEL JANE
CLICK HERE
“The Strength of an Egg”
Parents of children with cancer are often referred to or viewed as having "strength like a rock". Albeit flattering it is not quite true. It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg you ask? Yes!
If you'll think about it, you'll see my point.
An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be
as smooth or solid.
Most children, at some point, are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an even
slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no-longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.
A rock, on the other hand is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock. It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the "HAND OF HOPE".
Parents of children with cancer are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household,
going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed!
Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of children with cancer will pick
themselves up and put themselves back together again.
Journal
Monday, June 16, 2008 1:18 AM CDT Oh, where to start???
Life is changing.....
That statement has a world of emotion attached to it, at least for me anyway. Since Hanna died, I almost feel as if I have been frozen in time. I know in my head that it was almost 4 years ago, but somehow my heart can’t accept it. I have just sat here and reread all of the journal entries that I have written in the past. I’m still not always sure how time keeps moving forward when I so badly want to stay in the past. I want to stay in that time when I had my baby, my baby who was growing up so quickly, and was just starting to be a little lady.
But I can’t. It’s now almost 4 years later. Time does not heal all wounds. I don’t know who said that, but they are WRONG. Time takes you farther and farther away. Time scares you into thinking you might forget things. Time is a scary thing. And I think that leading up to the end of April, time was crushing my spirit. It was then that I had to face the reality that Hanna had been gone longer than she was here. That was extremely difficult for me. I’m not really even sure why I had let that grip me so. It’s just that the time Hanna was here felt like a lifetime, but the past 3 ½ years have just slipped away. Again, as if I were frozen in time. But God has shown his grace and mercy once again. He has pulled me out of that dark place I sometimes find myself. This time, he has pulled me out in new way.
This is from one of my past journal entries, dated March 4, 2006:
“It’s like I’m living in this new world, a different world than before, and one to which I do not belong. I feel so detached, and yet in my heart I also know that this is NOT how I want to be, nor is it how Hanna would want me to be. Yes, I want to be changed, but I do not want to be destroyed. Her life and her time here with us was just too precious for that. I know that nothing will ever be the same, but I also know that God cannot use a crushed soul. I truly want to do better, to be better.”
When I wrote that, I had no idea HOW I was supposed to do better or to be better. I just knew that neither God nor Hanna would want my soul to stay crushed. It wasn’t too long after that that I wrote about our decision to adopt a little girl from China. Many people since have asked us why not have a child of our own. The best answer I can give is simply that this is what God has planned for us. She is our own. We feel that God has chosen this child for us. We cannot explain it, it’s just something we know. I saw a quote tonight that I felt summed up my feelings on this. It said, “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”
Well, that decision came 2 years ago. So, although we thought that was something that we were ready for then, God had other plans. But, His plan is perfect. And, in His timing we are given a new addition to our family.
This website has and always will be devoted entirely to Hanna - her life, her journey, her story, and how God has carried us through the storm. It is my hope that someone, somewhere will be touched my sweet angel, and the grace that God has shown us through her and her life. However, I also thought it was important to share our news of Gracie here for those of you that didn’t already know. A fitting name, don’t you think?? Hanna’s name actually means “graceful.”
No one will ever, ever fill the hole that Hanna left in our hearts and lives. She has and will always have a place of her own with us - in our family, in our hearts, in our memories, and in the stories we tell about her. But, we do believe that Gracie will help bring a new sense of joy to our lives, a new sense of purpose and meaning. Even though Jason, Emily, and Andrew bring us happiness on a daily basis, they are growing up quickly. Adding a baby to the mix will surely bring much needed smiles, giggles, and laughter. You can see of a picture of Gracie by clicking here.
As happy as I am, I also don’t want to be misunderstood. Life will never be the same this side of Heaven. It’s never going to be okay. There will always be a part of me that is missing. But I do know that Hanna would want this for us. I just have to believe that she’s even had some small part in helping to bring us together with Gracie.
Hanna,
I can’t believe you’re going to be a big sister! We miss you so much! Oh, how we wish you were here to welcome Gracie home. I know you would be such a big help. I can just see you now holding her and feeding her. You would have so many things to teach her, and you would do such a good job. Just look at all the things you have taught me! I love you so much sweet girl. I still can’t wait until we are together again.
Love,
Mom
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: St. Jude Children's Research Hospital
332 N. Lauderdale St.
Memphis, TN 38105
(901)495-3300
Links: http://www.quiltingangels.org/hanna.html Hanna's quilt
http://www.bens-story.com Hanna's friend
http://www.stjude.org Hanna's hospital
|
|
